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Reviews: 11/11/12

Posted on November 11, 2012 at 7:40 AM

This week is a mix of bad, mediocre and decent books. Where are all the good comics!? Send me your fucking recommendations, shit!


IRON MAN #1 (Marvel Now! Suckers!)

Published 11/12

By Kieron Gillen and Greg Land




I've never been a big fan of Iron Man. Sure the character concept and even the movies are interesting and entertaining, but the comics themselves never really did anything for me. The last Iron Man comics I read were those ones by Warren Ellis and Adi Granov in, I think, 2006? That also was a rebooting of the series, I forget why, but what a surprise to see this new re-boot features the exact same concept/villian character, Extremis. Coincedence? Is Gillen just paying homage to one of the only writers who was bold enough to actually write Iron Man all good and science-y? A writer who realized that 6 issues was more than enough for a stiff character like Iron Man/Tony Stark. Sure Robert Downey Jr. is the shit in the movies, but that's the movies. Or wait, maybe they're just bringing Extremis back because they're doing it in the new movie? Whatever. On with my review if you give a shit.


I have never read any of Kieron Gillen's work before and after reading this I know I won't again, at least on purpose. The only two interesting things about this story is that Tony Stark knows someone who has a potion that can grow back facial hair hours after shaving, and that Iron Man's new armor is really stupid, er - smart putty, er - stuff that hardens upon contact with air, then forms all kinds of interesting hard edges and stuff, plus is packed with missles and bullets and lasers somehow. Seriously, that's the two most interesting things about this script. This was the kind of script you know Gillen went over like 20 times. It's so stiff & over thought that only the process of re-reading something over and over again can do this. I realize he has to work with editors and probably is trying to impress the shit out of them. Plus hoping by chance that Warren Ellis is reading this comic because it has Ellis' only contribution to the Iron Man mythos, and he's hoping that it's good enough to allow him to get close enough to lick his hairy sack. Hell maybe they're actually friends in merry ole blighty. Or mentor and cumsucker? I don't know. This was just lame though. Not that I could do better of course. My Iron Man script about Iron Man and Howard the Duck teaming up in the Microverse to battle Psycho-Man was rejected 4 different times over the course of 2 decades, so I know the definition of suck.


Moving on.


Greg Land. Yeah, I know everything bad's already been said about "artist" Greg Land, but I haven't read one of his comics in years so his motionless illustration just jumped out at me. (Egh, that was awful. See why I need an editor?) The great comic artists are able to trick you with the idea that comic art is always in motion even though it's not. Greg Land's art is just a series of poses. Largely the same ones over and over, comic after comic. And then when he's not tracing over a photo reference his art is really quite poor. Check the image below for an example. Look at that chick's right leg. (Yeah, that chick has extension cords and hdmi cables coming out of her hair and back. Next issue is going to be bad ass.)



Please don't buy this comic. Rather send your mony to me and feel good about yourself that you did a good deed by sending this poor shmuck your money. Seriously, my kid has been wearing the same pants for 2 weeks now. They're floods. They were hand-me-downs from the kid next door. He's getting made fun of at school. Help me buy him a pair of new pants, rather than waste your money on shit like Iron Man #1.




THE ADVANCE TEAM

by Will Pfeifer & German Torres

Published early 2012 by TOR Books




Picked this one up at the library because it looked pretty decent. And it was. It didn't nor will it win any awards, but it was good escapist entertainment. German Torres did a nice job despite the poor choice of overused fontage style use. Being a "letterer" and "graphic designer" (Yeah go ahead and laugh, let me show you my paycheck. Shit now my wife is laughing.) I use and see a lot of fonts all over the place. Certain fonts bust out on the scene and become trendy. A lot of hack cartoonists or amateur publishers latch on to a just released free font because it's fresh and new or cool looking. It's a terrible trend that bugs the fuck out of me. But despite that, this comic was a good read.


Aliens secretly infiltrate the human race, the main character is secretly a half breed destined to save the world. Which he does and gets the girl, becomes unelected leader of the world answering only to the new alien overlords. It's not a bad book I guess. Will Pfeifer has been around for awhile, doing work for DC and Marvel, so he is at the very least an accomplished writer. Artist German Torres from the looks of it has a good future as a comic artist ahead of him, as long as he stays away from the heroin, child porn and X-box. 



DEADPOOL #1 (Marvel Now! and Then!)

By Brian Posehn and one of the guys working on The Walking Dead show


I have never read a Deadpool comic. I might've read an X-Men or Wolverine comic that he was in. I definitely watched Wolverine the movie which he was in. But this was my first actual introduction to the highly hyped character in actual Marvel comic book continuity form. Before I describe my reaction to the comic itself, let me say I am a fan of Brian Posehn's stand-up. It's a very muted style and I think he's really an under-rated comedian. One of those comedian's that gets a lot of chuckles with his sarcastic nerd commentaries, weird looking persona and dry nasally geeky delivery. Posehn's made it plenty obvious that he's a comic book fan, so the fact that he's writing this comic I totally get. Deadpool is the comedic Punisher basically for Marvel, that I know, so it seems like it would be a fit.


Ummm, but nah this ain't for me. It's schtick. One shitty juvenile zing after another. It's probably funny if you're Brian Posehn and maybe his really close friends, otherwise, nah. Big time boring, this book was. The art was decent. It's a fun style. The story is substance less violence if that's your kind of thing and this artist knows how to draw blood and guts. You wanna know the plot? Do you need to know the plot? Nah, Deadpool fans will buy this comic anyway, I highly doubt it will win over any new readers. Moving on....


(Hilarious, right?)



ACTION CATS #1

Published by Monkey Brain Comics




I can't believe I just read this. Fortunately it was a quick 3 minute read. I mean I like cats, shit I love all those silly cat pictures people post on Facebook. Who doesn't? Did you see that one where the cat is trying to hump the iguana and the iguana is looking at whoever took the camera, with a "Dude, can you please get your cat to stop trying to fuck me?" face? Hilarious. There's tons of fun ones, I'm sure you've seen some of 'em.


Anyway Monkey Brain Comics was created by this writer who worked for DC comics who told DC to go fuck themselves a couple of months ago because of some disagreement they had and he was all trendily famous for about a week for standing up to those twats at DC/Warner Bros. I forget his name, but anyway he started his own publishing company right after that because all of a sudden he had a lot of clout with all us comic nerds for being so bold as to stand up to guys who were paying him big bucks to write shitty stories about dudes and dudettes in really tight clothes. It actually started another trend where other creators were dropping out of Marvel and DC for awhile. That lasted about 3 people then we got on with our lives.


So Action Cats #1 is one of Monkey Brain's new releases and it really fucking sucks. I mean it's a real piece of suck. The art is shpappy, the writing is shpitty, the characters are... (ok I will stop). Action Cats #1 is a complete pile of catshit, pun intended! Supposedly...supposedly one of the writers (yep it took two whole people to write this weak ass comic) has won Eisner and Harvey awards. For those of you who don't know what Eisner or Harvey awards are, they're like really awesome awards given out to comics writers and artists every year. Once upon a time if you won one of these awards it guaranteed you work in the comics field for the rest of your life and most likely a nice pay rate while you were at it. Nowadays it gets you an opportunity to write something called Action Cats #1 and paired up with a really amateur artist who they probably recruited out of an elementary school. They paid him in go-gurt and lego, I assume.


Maybe you don't believe me in how awful it is, so go get it wherever it's sold, (I don't know where, I got it for free.) and get back to me with your feelings after reading it. Hell it only takes you 3 minutes to read it. Monkey Brain will love that you picked up one of their comics off a review by me. Hopefully they will continue to send me their comics for free when they realize how many people I'm sending their way off a bad review. Huzzah!

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